And I Cried

Setting small goals and achieving them is like winning small battles to ultimately win the war.

I achieved a goal this week that sent me into a fit of tears.

All I wanted was to lose the weight I gained during my recovery from my accident. Having a badly broken knee was quite a struggle to stay fit. I couldn’t walk, run, jump, dance, swim…well, you get the picture.

I could eat.

And I did.

I am a depression eater. Whenever I am down I shove crap in my yap and it ends up becoming fat.

Not that I was gross looking but I felt it.

When I feel fat, I become even more depressed and then a horrible cycle occurs.

You get the picture.

The hardest part was accepting the fact that I needed to do something. I needed to stop the cycle and get up off the couch and start somewhere.

And I did.

I decided to start walking. I only walked a little in the beginning. I didn’t push myself but then I decided to do it more seriously. I increased my pace and started to feel good afterwards. Then I increased my distance along with the pace and I started to feel great afterwards. I then started to add weight training and stretching before and afterwards and I started to feel even greater afterwards.

I also changed my eating habits. Now when I’m depressed or sad I reach for a banana or a yogurt instead of chips or M & Ms.

Then I saw results.

Two months after starting on this new way of living I lost not only the weight I gained from recovery but also ten extra pounds.

And I cried.

Now a new goal has been set.

I am starting water aerobics next week to tone and firm. I will continue to walk and train with weights. I will continue to watch what I eat.

I will meet my next goal.

So it begins again

I used to blame my weight on other factors such as stress, no will power, my knee, my back, my inability to get my ass off the couch. Well, you get the picture.

I need some motivation. I need to find it within myself to get back to a healthy way of living. I just need to not feel bad about myself everytime I look in the mirror.

I did lose weight once before just after my divorce. I dropped about 65 pounds like it was nothing. I was feeling good and looking good. Everyone complimented me...

Then it happened.

I fell off a ladder and broke my knee pretty bad. I couldn't walk. I hit a brick wall.

That was a year ago.

Since then I put 40 pounds back on. 40! ugh.....

So now I have my work cut out for me.

And so it begins.....

again.