Update

I'm still fat.

Damn it.

It's my own fault.

I fail at exercising. I blame my bad knee (even though the doctor said that I can do anything I want). I blame prior commitments (even though I count a TV show as a commitment). I blame the cold weather (even though I've gone walking in 29 degrees).

There really isn't any excuse.

I just suck at this.

I see diets where they seem to be perfect. I can give up meat. Sure I can.

Then I see a commercial for a steakhouse....























Bastards.

I just need to stop eating crap and stop thinking that a diet can start tomorrow.

A reality slap to the head might help.

I am capable of doing it.

I need to find my mojo again. The mojo before I had a set back. The mojo that I had even though my knee was hurting and it was cold and even though I have a DVR.

I have to.

Damn it.

And I Cried

Setting small goals and achieving them is like winning small battles to ultimately win the war.

I achieved a goal this week that sent me into a fit of tears.

All I wanted was to lose the weight I gained during my recovery from my accident. Having a badly broken knee was quite a struggle to stay fit. I couldn’t walk, run, jump, dance, swim…well, you get the picture.

I could eat.

And I did.

I am a depression eater. Whenever I am down I shove crap in my yap and it ends up becoming fat.

Not that I was gross looking but I felt it.

When I feel fat, I become even more depressed and then a horrible cycle occurs.

You get the picture.

The hardest part was accepting the fact that I needed to do something. I needed to stop the cycle and get up off the couch and start somewhere.

And I did.

I decided to start walking. I only walked a little in the beginning. I didn’t push myself but then I decided to do it more seriously. I increased my pace and started to feel good afterwards. Then I increased my distance along with the pace and I started to feel great afterwards. I then started to add weight training and stretching before and afterwards and I started to feel even greater afterwards.

I also changed my eating habits. Now when I’m depressed or sad I reach for a banana or a yogurt instead of chips or M & Ms.

Then I saw results.

Two months after starting on this new way of living I lost not only the weight I gained from recovery but also ten extra pounds.

And I cried.

Now a new goal has been set.

I am starting water aerobics next week to tone and firm. I will continue to walk and train with weights. I will continue to watch what I eat.

I will meet my next goal.

Don’t Need No Stinkin Gym

Gyms are expensive and sometimes inefficient. I used to pay $40 a month for my gym. Forty dollars is a lot of money for something you don’t really end up using.

I mean I did use it and it was working for me but then I lost my motivation to go. The gym was in the same town where I worked which only allowed me to use it during the lunch hour. I live 30 miles away which made doing it after work quite difficult since I had to come home and feed the kids.



When I was able to use it, I would use the weight machines and ride a bike. I’d get all sweaty and then change back into my work clothes. It was just gross.



So I cancelled my membership.



Actually, you really don’t need a gym to exercise. Basic walking is a good start, a very good start. I beats the heck out of sitting on the couch and watching mindless television.
Get out there and move.



I also incorporated toning. I do it right on my living room floor. I also have some belly dancing videos that help work the core muscles. Just stretching your muscles can work wonders.



You don’t need to go to a gym, you just need to get up off the couch and move.

So it begins again

I used to blame my weight on other factors such as stress, no will power, my knee, my back, my inability to get my ass off the couch. Well, you get the picture.

I need some motivation. I need to find it within myself to get back to a healthy way of living. I just need to not feel bad about myself everytime I look in the mirror.

I did lose weight once before just after my divorce. I dropped about 65 pounds like it was nothing. I was feeling good and looking good. Everyone complimented me...

Then it happened.

I fell off a ladder and broke my knee pretty bad. I couldn't walk. I hit a brick wall.

That was a year ago.

Since then I put 40 pounds back on. 40! ugh.....

So now I have my work cut out for me.

And so it begins.....

again.